stock: typewriter

What did the stupid redneck say to a drunk Ava?

I like beer. This is no secret and I live next to Arcadia which is the redneck mecca of SW Florida which means our bars tend to do crazy things (like have nickel drafts from 5-8 on Tuesdays) to bring in a crowd. The crowd gets drunk and stays well past 8 and keeps drinking but with the beers shoot up to $4 a pop.
I had about 35 or 40 cents worth of beer and was dancing on the teeny tiny dance floor with my new boy toy (I really shouldn’t call him that he’s 29) when a rather attractive blonde asked to cut in. I shrugged (it’s not like we have matching tattoos) and offered the hottie my boy. She smiled at him and then grabbed my hand and started dancing. It stumbled me a moment but I am all for hot chicks hitting on me so I danced with her while my boy shook his head and went back to the table housing my friends to be razed by them and offered sympathy from one and apparently drunken words of wisdom that somehow amounted to, “Ava gets the hot ones, don’t ask us how.” Thanks Deana *note sarcasm* but my boy did take that as a compliment.
While I’m dancing with unnamed blonde hottie a rather drunk man tried to get between us. I rolled my eyes and sidestepped him, pulling her with me. (I’ve gotten good at dodging assholes in clubs) As I was turning back to her I hear, “Fuckin’ dyke,” and I know I didn’t hear him wrong ‘cause hottie’s eyes widened.
So kinda drunk Ava turned back to the rather imposing asshat and asked, “Are you jealous cause my dicks bigger than yours?”
For a moment, blank confusion, before realization dawned and I swear I watched it wash over his face and he offers me this smirk like he’s got the cleverest damn retort and says, “Prove it.”
I returned with, “I’d love to but where are we gonna get a magnifying glass this time of night?”

Again it took him a moment and then a vein in his forehead began doing the mamba and he swung. I kid you not the asshat swung at me! Thank the Gods he was drunk cause it was easy to dodge and he put enough force in it to spin him around when he missed so I kidney punched him back. Now don’t get me wrong, I may be uber tall but I’m stick thin (just ask Demona) but I was so pissed that the asshat swung and couldn’t help myself. My guy friends were there after I hit him in a nanosecond and pulled the idiot to his feet. Apparently a kidney punch really hurts. *shrugs* Ask me if I care?
The bouncer threw the drunk redneck out and since no one but the hottie and my friends saw me hit him (I highly doubt anyone else would have believed it) I got to stay but we left soon after anyways and without me getting the hottie’s name or number, *pouts* of course the boy probably wouldn’t have been too pleased with me picking up chicks on our date. *innocent smile*
So that was my Tuesday night. I got into a bar fight and won. *beams* Go me!
BTW: Lisa I have your story well and truly beta’ed I just want to read through it once more and I’ll email it to you tonight.
  • Current Location: Work
  • Current Mood: amused amused
Okay so I've given you *smoochies* before but now I just want you! Flat out lust? That's hot on so many levels I don't know where to begin!

Do I start with the boy toy? The Hot Chick? The you wanting her number? You pouting about not getting it? You kidney punching a guy? You giving out some OHMG I love you insults?

Love... from me to you!

Want me? Really? *beams*

Boy toy aka hot EMT guy is super sweet and he thought it was hilarious that I hit the idiot. So he gets uber browine points for that. The hot chick *le sigh* I'm so very disappointed that I didn't even catch a name. Kidney punching a guy is nothing. You should see me on the floor at a concert. ;)

As for the insults I have to thank my drama troupe in high school for my ability to mock others so well. We had a game called 'screw you' that was basically just two people insulting one another and once you were stumped or you laughed at the other person's insult you lost and someone else stepped up to take on the 'champion.' I hate to say it but alas I never won.
You Kick Ass
Wow. I'm so impressed! You totally kicked that guys ass! What an ass he was. I hate drunk guys in bars. LOL. (Not that I've been to a bar in a few years!)


I hope everything, besides the drunken bar brawls, is going well with you :)

Where were you a few years ago when this old guy wouldn't leave me the hell alone? For some reason, it's always the really old guys that try to hit on me, which is even more disgusting when you think about the fact that I look a lot younger than I am. I generally don't go to bars, though....and even if I did, I wouldn't now. LOL
"Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings."
ROFLMAO!! Yay! You kicked the redneck's ass! Whoo hoo!! Been there with the rednecks before, I'm surrounded by them here. I've never had to tell one off before, or got the privilege of beating them up, though. I'm a little jealous. Although, I did get pulled onto a dance floor by a guy who could have been Willie Nelson's twin. I managed to escape him on all my own, but the guys I was hanging out with all started chasing after him. Sweet gesture, but I had handled it all on my own. *sigh* Men.

And hey, call him your boy toy, I see nothing wrong with that. ;)